Learn To Be Lonely
by rentemotion
Summary: There was a scream, then a horrible crunching sound. Blood ran down the pale face and the hazel eyes went dull. The girl was dead. SEQUEL
1. Dead!

And if your heart stops beating  
I'll be here wondering  
Did you get what you deserve?  
The ending of your life

And if you get to Heaven  
I'll be here waiting babe  
Did you get what you deserve?  
The end, and if your life won't wait,  
Then your heart can't take this

Have you heard the news that you're dead?  
No one ever had much nice to say  
I think they never liked you anyway  
Oh take me from the hospital bed  
Wouldn't it be grand?  
It ain't exactly what you planned  
And wouldn't it be great if  
We were dead.  
Oh dead.  
-Dead by My Chemical Romance-

_Dead by My Chemical Romance blared through the speakers of a red jeep Cherokee. A pale hand stretched out and turned the music down. Tears ran down red cheeks, hazel eyes strained to see in the dark and through the storm. She felt her jeep swerve as it hit a puddle of water on the road; she quickly jerked the car back over into the right lane. _

_There was a scream, then a horrible crunching sound. Blood ran down the pale face and the hazel eyes went dull._

_The girl was dead._

"Holy fucking God!" Renee' screamed as she hit the floor with a loud smack. She rubbed the spot on her head where she had hit with a grimace. The dreams had started maybe six months ago and hadn't stopped yet.

She slowly picked herself up from the floor and grabbed for the phone.

"_It's __four o'clock__ in the morning…why are you calling me?"_

She pouted, causing crinkles in her forehead. "I had the dream again."

_"Aw, sorry my love…anything I can do?"_

"Short of shooting me or paying for serious mental help? No, nothing."

_"Yes because we both know you can't pay for your own therapy."_

She scrunched her face with a sigh. "Therapy is just another way to make my parents feel like I need their money…"

The girl on the other line laughed. _"You're twenty years old…you do need their money."_

"Well my dear Amber, they don't need to know that."

_"Are you going to be able to go back to sleep?"_

Renee' sighed and leaned back against the head board. "Maybe…"

She hung up the phone and threw it on the bedside table. If she told anyone else but Amber about the dreams, they would probably think she was totally nuts.

She wasn't one to believe in reincarnation, but it was making her really think about it. The same dream over and over again of a detailed car crash, that had to mean something right?

(Across Town)

"What do you think she would have been like? You know, if she was still alive?"

He laughed behind her. "A vampire, by now at least. I would have turned her, I know I would have."

Lizzie smiled. "Like you turned me…"

Josef sighed. "Yes well what can I say, you grew on me."

Lizzie laid the flowers on Athena's grave with a sigh. "I miss her, it seems like I miss her more everyday."

"I guess she was wrong…it's been twenty years and she still hasn't come back to us." His words held laughter, but Lizzie knew beneath it was pain.

"Maybe she's just waiting to find us."

He put out his hand to her to help her up from the ground. "Sometimes it's good to be positive, but I find that it can sometimes cause more damage than anything."

He walked her to the car, each year it got harder and harder coming out here. But he would anyway. He wanted to think that Lizzie was right, that Athena was out there somewhere, waiting to come back, just waiting for the perfect time.

But he knew that would never happen, Athena was gone for good, it's better to just accept it.

(The Next Day)

"Can we for once not act like total brats?"

Renee' narrowed her eyes at Amber. "I am not a brat…I told them no tomatoes and they gave me tomatoes. I have a right to complain."

She shook her head. "Of course you do love."

"Hey, your not my mother, so don't act all haughty. Besides, it's my birthday, the big 2.0. today!"

She smiled. "So, do you feel any different?"

Renee' nodded with a smile. "Actually I do…I mean I don't know why or anything, but I know something is different."

Amber shook her head with a smile. "You're completely nuts."

"I know, but you love me anyway…right?"

Amber nodded with a laugh. "Would I be here if I didn't?"

She was about to respond when she felt her phone vibrate in her purse. She sighed and dug through it, noticing the caller I.D. before answering. She gave Amber and exasperated look before answering. "Hello daddy."

_"How's my favorite daughter on her birthday?"_

She took a deep breath, this can't be good. "Fine daddy, how are things back home?"

_"Hot as hell, but you know how humid it is in __New Orleans__ this time of year."_

She nodded, growing up in New Orleans was great, but the humidity was a bitch. "Not that I'm totally excited that you called daddy, but I know there is more to it than simply wishing me a happy birthday."

Her father took a deep breath before answering. "_I guess you know me better than I thought. I was supposed to be meeting with one of the largest stock holders in my company this weekend. Just to sign a few papers, maybe talk some business. But I'm afraid I won't be able to be there, you, however, can sign the papers for me, you are after all my heir…"_

Renee' took a deep breath. "Sure dad, just give me his address…"

_"That's my angel, I knew I could count on you…His name is Josef Koston it's in downtown __L.A.__"_

She wrote the address down on a napkin. "When is this meeting exactly?"

_"This Saturday at __10 PM__."_

"Kinda late for a business meeting isn't it?"

_"Josef's more of a night person…"_

When Renee' threw her phone back in her purse Amber gave her a sympathetic look. "Daddy getting you to do his bidding again?"

"I'd say 'fuck you' but you'll take it as an invitation."

She just laughed as she took a long sip of her drink.


	2. I Know Where I've Been

There's a cry  
In the distance  
It's a voice  
That comes from deep within  
There's a cry  
Asking why  
I pray the answer's up ahead  
'Cause i know where i've been

There's a road  
We've been travelin'  
Lost so many on the way  
But the riches  
Will be plenty  
Worth the price we  
Had to pay  
-I Know Where I've Been from Hairspray-

_It was dark, for some reason her eyes wouldn't adjust to the dark. She felt restraint against her arms that were held over her head. She felt the coolness of something, or someone pressed against her. She looked up and was met by two ice blue orbs staring back at her._

_Suddenly she wasn't afraid anymore._

"Renee'! Honey wake up!"

I jumped and looked up at Amber; she was staring down at me with a worried expression on her face. "Honey, it's 9:30, you're supposed to be across town in thirty minutes."

"Oh fuck!" I jumped from the couch I had just been napping on. "And you're just waking me up!"

Amber held her hands out defensively. "Hey! I thought you left an hour ago!"

I shook my head and grabbed my purse off the counter.

(Across Town)

Rain…there was something about it, something that made me anxious. Always had, probably always will. I pulled into the parking lot of the large building and couldn't escape the feeling of déjà vu. I ran into the building, jumping as each strike of lightening lit up the sky.

The elevator seemed to take forever for its doors to open for me. As soon as I stepped on it a strong feeling of unease came over me.

_Ruby painted nails dug into pale, sweaty palms. Unearthly eyes followed the length of the pale arm down to the blood pooled in the palm. A pink tongue ran over the crescent shaped cuts…_

The doors opened with a ding and I jumped out of the day dream. I felt strange warmth in my hands and looked down. My black nails had dug into my palms; blood was now seeping out of the crescent cuts.

"Dammit!" I closed my hands and walked out of the elevator, hoping there would be a bathroom I could clean up in.

The woman behind the desk smiled at me. "Can I help you?"

I gave her a sweet smile. "My name is Renee' Martin, I'm supposed to meet Mr. Koston for 10, but I was running a bit behind."

"Well if you like you could head on back there…I know he's waiting on you."

"Is there a place I could go to wash up first?"

The woman pointed out the bathroom and I quickly went in to clean up my hands. The bleeding stopped and I made sure to clean off all signs of blood, no one wants to shake a bloody hand.

As I walked down the hall towards the door I felt as if my heart was beating out of my chest. I placed my hand on the doorknob, as I turned it I felt uneasy, as if this place had certain significance to me.

When I walked in, a young man looked up from his desk, his smile faltered and he stared at me.

"Mr. Koston?" He didn't respond, just continued to stare at me, which made me extremely uncomfortable. "I'm Renee' Martin, I was supposed to be meeting you on my dad's behalf."

He inhaled deeply, as a dog would scent the air, and then stared at me in confusion. "Renee' Martin you said?"

I nodded, extremely uncomfortable, this man handled a lot of money invested in my fathers company, but he seems to be a total nut job. Daddy really should do a background check on all his stock holders.

In one swift movement he was up from the desk and standing in front of me, it seems he had regained his composure, from what I don't know. He put his hand out to shake mine and I took it carefully. He turned over my hand and examined the cuts in my palm. "Stressed are we?"

I pulled my hand from his grip. "Your elevator is weird…"

He smirked and continued to stare at me. "Is your hair naturally that copper color?"

I was taken back by his comment; I wish dad would have warned me that this guy was a total perv. "Yes…can we just get to business please? Dad said he needed me to sign some papers."

He walked me over to his desk; we began to work through the papers when the door burst open.

"So here's what I think! If this rain doesn't stop soon I will shoot…" The girl stopped when she noticed me. "A…Athena?"

"Excuse me?"

"Lizzie…" At the sound of her name, the girl looked up towards Josef, I could see their lips moving, but couldn't hear them.

_Two girls lying on a bed, laughing widely about an unknown topic. One had copper hair falling in soft curls around her face; the other was a dark red head. It was obvious to anyone who saw them they were close._

I shook my head, I needed to finish with these papers and get out of here, this place is far too weird.

"Alright Josef…call me when you're done… Ne moi manquez pas trop."

Without realizing what I did I turned and responded. "Je ne ferai pas pas s'inquiètent"

I guess the shock was showing on my face, because they both stared at me. Josef was the only one to speak. "So Ms. Martin…you speak French?"

I shook my head. "No…"

Lizzie was biting her lip and staring at me. "Sure sounds like it to me."

"I…I don't know where that came from…I'm gonna leave…"

I could feel their eyes on me as I charged out of the room. I stopped in front of the elevator, frozen. What if I had another 'vision'? I turned and quickly ran to the stairs.

Hopefully there wouldn't be any memories there. Half way down the stairs I stopped, plagued with another memory that I knew wasn't mine.

_"Everyone dies alone Josef…in one way or the other."_

Why did that seem so familiar…why did Josef seem so familiar? I took a deep breath and ran down the stairs as fast as humanly possible.

-Home-

I should feel a sense of pride, after all it's not everyday you fully understand someone speaking French and then respond like it's your first language.

"Don't miss me too much…Don't worry I won't." It seemed so familiar, so right to me. As if I had said it so many times. Of course now that I try to speak French I can't.

There was no way to explain it, something was happening. The only question was, is it really happening, or am I going nuts?


	3. Adia

**Note: Sorry it's so short guys, but I kinda feel like shit today so... sorry **

Adia I do believe I failed you  
Adia I know I let you down  
Dont you know I tried so hard  
To love you in my way  
Its easy let it go...  
Adia I'm empty since you left me  
Trying to find a way to carry on  
I search myself and everyone  
To see where we went wrong  
cause theres no one left to finger  
Theres no one here to blame  
Theres no one left to talk to, honey  
And there ain't no one to buy our innocence  
cause we are born innocent  
Believe me adia, we are still innocent  
Its easy, we all falter  
Does it matter?  
-Adia by Sarah McLachlan-

_Three young bodies standing on the beach. They helped each other pull off the long formal gowns they were in. They squealed as they stepped into the cold water of the Pacific. They began to splash the cold water at each other, laughing in delight._

I kept my eyes closed, hoping to clear the dream from my memory. I just want this to end; it was very obvious to me that I was losing my mind.

As I stumbled into the kitchen I could hear the rain lashing against the windows. I felt that familiar anxiety I get from this weather.

Louisiana, where I was born, was known for having bad storms. Several times my family had to evacuate due to a hurricane. When I was little, the storms would bother me so much my parents would have to give me some sort of sedative, otherwise I would go into a massive anxiety attack.

I'm starting to notice that the dreams are getting more and more vivid, it's as if I'm watching a movie in my mind. The scary thing is, one of the girls, is me. The one that dies in the horrific car wreck is me.

-Across Town-  
(Lizzie's POV)

"Dammit Skylar answer your phone!" I tapped my foot impatiently on the floor of Josef's office. He and I both had been pacing like crazy people for the past few hours since Ath….Renee's visit.

_"Hello?"_

"Skylar thank God! Listen, you have to get your ass over here like now."

Skylar groaned. "_Can I at least eat first?"_

I sighed. "No! We'll give you a glass when you get here, now get your ass over here!" I slammed the phone down and looked up at Josef. He was now sitting behind his desk, a vacant expression on his face.

"She looks just like her…smells just like her." He ran his hands over his face in an exasperated way. "It's her…I know it is…"

"See Josef, that's why you make the big bucks…all those brains you have…"

He glared at me and I knew I had gone too far. "I gave you life; I can sure as hell take it back."

It's times like these where I understand how Athena could have been afraid of him. Any other time he is probably one of the closest friends I have. But when he's like this, I just want to run and hide.

The door opened and Skylar glared at me. I sighed and looked at her with a glare. "What took you so long?"

She looked shocked. "Took me so long? I made it across town in like 15 minutes!"

I was about to respond when Josef stood up. We both stopped talking and stared at him. We both had a genuine respect for the man who brought us into this life…or afterlife.

"Skylar, did you ever believe in reincarnation?"

She shook her head. "No, I was born and raised Catholic…Didn't Athena believe in it though?"

He nodded. "I think we all need to start believing in it…"

"What do you mean?"

He sighed. "I had a meeting with a girl a few hours ago…she had to sign some papers for her father. I swear she was the spitting image of Athena…talked like her, walked like her, smelt like her…"

I nodded. "She responded to me in French, then went on to say she'd never taken French I her life."

Skylar laughed. "So wait…you think Athena has come back as another person?"

"I know it sounds ridiculous Sky…but trust me, I know Athena when I see her…it was her." I fell back onto the couch and stared up at her.

"You're right, this does sound ridiculous…I'll have to see it to believe it."

"I think we can arrange that."

I looked up at Josef when he spoke; I knew that tone; that was the tone he used when he was determined to do something.

That tone scared me.


	4. Relax, Relapse

The I.V. and your hospital bed  
This was no accident  
This was a therapeutic chain of events

This is the scent of dead skin on a linoleum floor  
This is the scent of quarantine wings in a hospital  
It's not so pleasant  
And it's not so conventional  
It sure as hell ain't normal  
But we deal, we deal  
-Relax, Relapse by Panic! At The Disco-

The town house she lived in was the most extravagant of all of them. He heard Skylar snicker beside him and looked at her with a questioning glance.

"Well, Athena always did like standing out didn't she?"

He rolled his eyes and walked to the side of the house, trying to see if there was a way for them to sneak a peak inside at the girl who was now probably fast asleep in her bed.

There weren't any balconies for them to jump to; however there was a rather large tree next to the second story window.

"We could always climb the tree…" Lizzie said, staring up at the large branches over them.

Josef shook his head. "You can, but I won't."

She rolled her eyes at the older vampire. "Oh get over yourself, just climb the damn tree." She shoved him towards the oak with a giggle.

He snarled at her and the two girls jumped. He just smirked. "Like I said, you can climb it, but I won't."

Skylar sighed, and then took a leap into one of the many branches of the tree. She walked down the closest branch to the window and stared in. On the ground, Josef and Lizzie both heard a loud gasp as she spotted Renee'.

"She looks just like her!"

"No shit Sherlock!" Lizzie mumbled underneath her breath.

Instead of sleeping, as most humans would at 2 o'clock in the morning. Renee' was sitting in her bed, wide awake and reading. Skylar was so enthralled by the girl who could pass as Athena's twin, that she didn't even notice the large dog that apparently caught her scent. She didn't notice until it was at the window, growling and barking wildly.

Skylar let out a small yelp and lost her balance on the branch. Josef caught her before she could hit the ground. "Thanks…I'd say 'my hero' but we all know you don't quite fit that description."

He glared at her, and then dropped her on her butt. "Don't mention it."

The three vampires heard a window open and quickly took to hiding in the shadow of the house.

"See Lani, there's no one out here."

The large dog was still growling, Renee' was blissfully unaware of the three vampires beneath her.

"Crazy dog…" She shut the window again, the heard her footsteps as she walked back and climbed into her bed.

Skylar looked over at Josef, shock still showing on her face. "It's her…"

He nodded. "I know…"

-Later-

(Renee's POV)

_A hand covered her mouth, keeping her scream from echoing throughout the office. Ice blue eyes stared at her angrily, white fangs snarled in her face. She felt a jolt of pain as he sunk his teeth into her shoulder. Then the wave of nausea as he pulled back, her blood spilling down his chin._

_"What the hell are you doing?!"_

_Then the weight of his body was lifted._

I felt Lani's tongue on my face, waking me up from the dream. Her large black body was sitting in front of me, her brown eyes staring at me. I never understood why girls compare men to dogs; I always enjoyed a dogs company so much more.

I ran my hand over my shoulder; I could still feel the sharp pain of his teeth in my flesh. But it was just a nightmare…vampires don't exist.

I could see the sun shining through the heavy curtains on the window. I hadn't been asleep for more than a few hours. But I had gotten used to little or no sleep, that's what happens when you are prone to nightmares I guess.

It wasn't until I got into the kitchen that I realized how late I had slept. Lani was sitting next to her bowl waiting impatiently for me to feed her.

"I know, I know, you're not used to being fed this late…" I walked over and poured a big scoop in her bowl, then ran back up the stairs to get dressed.

-Four Hours Later-

Being raised in the South meant that I was raised on some of the finest foods there are…to me at least. If I even mentioned trying a crawfish to Amber she would probably gag.

But I have my ways of getting my spicy foods. Amber always picks on me for carrying around a small bottle of Tabasco sauce…

Amber grimace at me as I took a bite of the 'Gumbo' I had ordered, although this place wouldn't know real Gumbo if it hit them in the face.

"I don't understand how you eat that shit."

I laughed. "It's not my fault you have no taste for food."

She shook her head and went back to eating her salad. I guess I was lucky, during the summer I could just relax and enjoy my time off from school, but Amber had to work, otherwise she couldn't afford to do anything.

She finished off her salad then beamed at me. "Time to get back to work…Allie promised me the day off tomorrow if I actually get back from lunch on time."

I nodded; she leaned down and kissed my cheek before quickly walking out of the food court.

As I walked out of the mall, I pulled my glasses down to cover my eyes from the blinding rays. Out of the corner of my eye I saw something strange. I stopped and turned towards the car across the street.

Josef Koston, he was sitting in his car with a beautiful girl next to him. He made eye contact with me before grabbing the girls arm and biting down.

"Holy shit…"


	5. Check Yes Juliet

Check yes Juliet  
Are you with me?  
Rain is falling down on the sidewalk  
I won't go until you come outside  
Check yes Juliet  
Kill the limbo  
I'll keep tossing rocks at your window  
There's no turning back for us tonight

Lace up your shoes  
A O A O ah  
Here's how we do

Run baby run  
Don't ever look back  
They'll tear us apart  
If you give them the chance  
Don't sell your heart  
Don't say we're not meant to be  
Run baby run  
Forever will be  
You and me  
-Check Yes Juliet by We The Kings-

I tried to draw my eyes away from him, but I couldn't. His eyes shifted up to mine, silver blue orbs staring at me with more intensity than I could handle. I was frozen in my spot.

He let go of her hand and the girl pulled her arm back to her side. He licked the blood from his lips, a small smile playing on them as he looked at the shock on my face.

_She licked the blood from his lips, her blood, before she could lean back to her previous position he had pulled her too him and captured her lips with his. She could taste her own blood on his tongue as it explored her mouth. His cold body pressed against her warm one._

_She was totally at peace._

When I opened my eyes he was standing in front of me. I felt my heart beating out of my chest as I stared up at him.

I was reminded of tenth grade Biology, the fight or flight reaction. The human body when put into a stressful situation will choose to either run or fight the thing that's scaring them.

Before I realized what I had done, I had started running in the opposite direction. I'm not sure if he was chasing me, but I wasn't going to turn my head to find out. I felt my heel give out and heard the snap as it broke in half. I slid my feet out of the shoes and continued to run.

When I pushed open the door of the mall I felt the cool air hit me in my face. People were staring at me, as I ran through the mall, shoeless, looking as if I had just encountered a ghost.

When I ran into the small store I looked around frantically for Amber. I saw a petite girl sitting behind the counter; her lips stained a beautiful color of red. I got that all too familiar feeling of déjà vu. I shook it off and ran up to the counter.

"Is Amber here?"

She looked up, her mouth hung open for a second, and then she just pointed to the storage room.

I ignored the strange behavior; I had too much on my mind at the moment. I walked quickly to the door at the back of the store. I saw Amber leaning over a box, sorting through band shirts.

_"I think it's safe to say the band shirts are MIA."_

I shook my head; I must be losing my mind. Amber looked up and smiled at me. "Hey honey, what are you doing here?"

"I…I don't know…." I ran my hands over my face. "I think I'm losing my mind Amber…"

She stood up and pulled me into a hug. "Trust me; you're not losing your mind…what's gotten into you?"

I shrugged, trying to keep the tears to a minimum. "That's the thing…I'm not quite sure…"

"Amber! Can you come help me with something please?!"

Amber sighed. "Let me go help Allie, you just sit back here and when I get back we'll talk okay?"

I nodded and allowed her to sit me against some shelves. I watched her form as she walked out the door, completely unsure if I should be here or not.

I heard footsteps walking back into the room, then the door shut. "Wow that was qui…" It wasn't Amber at the door, and it certainly wasn't anyone that I wanted to be stuck in a room with…

_"I take that back, you're not annoying, you're an asshole!"_

_"And you're a sadistic bitch if I remember right, so we make a good pair."_

I put my hands over my face. "Why is this happening?"

"Because we messed up last time…more like I messed up last time…"

I looked up to meet his eyes, they were no longer the scary blue, but had bled back to the beautiful brown. "Last time? Last time? What last time? What do you mean?"

"If I could explain it I would, trust me Renee'! But I can't, it's to complicated."

I closed my eyes, trying hard not to let his voice bring back another memory. I felt something brush against my side, I looked over and he was sitting next to me. Shouldn't I be afraid? Shouldn't I try to run again?

But I couldn't, my curiosity outweighed any fear I could have. He stared at me like he knew me, like a man stares at a woman he lost. But I wasn't that woman…

He took my hand and stared down at it, the pink crescent cuts were still present from our last encounter. It was an off comfort when he put my palm to his lips and placed a light kiss.

I turned my head to look at him; he was still staring at my hand, as if waiting for the right time to speak.

"Her name was Athena Barrette, her mother worked for me when she was thirteen. On one of her many…adventures in my office, she happened to piss off one of my business partners…He left a pretty nasty scar on her shoulder. She convinced her mom to quit soon after that. I never got to tell her how sorry I was. Then four years later she comes to me to tell me to be careful when I get…thirsty…" I felt a shiver run down my spine as he said 'thirsty'.

"She was afraid of me, didn't want me to even touch her…it was understandable after what she went through…I…pushed her to far, each time I saw her it seemed like more of her was breaking, and I knew it had to do with me. So I told her goodbye, I went over a year without seeing her, then she came to me to tell me goodbye, that she was moving on…apparently she had fallen for me and I had misunderstood it as me breaking her. Wouldn't be the first time I was wrong. On her drive home that night, she got hit by a semi truck and was killed instantly…I never got to tell her how much I loved her."

"That's horrible…but what does this have to do with me? Why is this happening?"

"She's you."


	6. Spiderwebs

You think that we connect  
That the chemistry's correct  
Your words walk right through my ears  
Presuming I like what I hear  
And now I'm stuck in the web  
You're spinning  
You got me for your prey...

Sorry I'm not home right now  
I'm walking into spiderwebs  
So leave a message  
And I'll call you back  
A likely story, but leave a message  
And I'll call you back  
-Spiderwebs by No Doubt-

I couldn't help the laugh that escaped my lips. "You think I'm this…Athena girl? I'm sorry but the thought of reincarnation is just ridiculous…"

He smirked. "Yea, and until today you thought that vampires were just creatures made to scare little children."

I stared at him blankly…he had a good point. "So if…and that is a huge if, I am this girl, then prove it…" My dreams went along with what he was saying, but I didn't want to jump to conclusions, for all I know I could just be having some sort of psychotic episode…is it sad that I would rather that be the explanation than it be that I'm reincarnated?

"You bite your lip when you get nervous, or just bored. You cannot stand little dogs, it takes everything you have not to kick one when you see it. You hate wearing your hair down, the only time you do is when there is something important going on like a meeting or a party. The rain makes you anxious, but you can't help but love it…need I go on?"

I bit my lip, then thought about it and stopped. "How did you know all that?"

He smiled. "Because twenty years ago…I was in love with you."

I stared at him. "I don't even know you…"

"Yea, but obviously I know you."

I sighed. "I've been having this…dreams lately…Were you and Athena ever in an elevator together?"

He nodded, a small smirk playing on his lips. "That was the second time we kiss, but the first time she initiated the kiss…"

"You were the one in the dark room weren't you?"

He nodded again. "It was this room, the light went out. Athena was night blind, it scared the shit out of her…my eyes changing probably didn't help."

I shook my head. "No, in the dream she was scared, but when she saw your eyes…she was comforted…"

He ran his hands over his face. "God, that just makes it worse."

"I honestly don't know how to respond to all this Josef…"

_"Well you are a vampire aren't you? Your little scene with that 'freshie' in the car yesterday reminded me of that…"_

_"I only bite the willing."_

_"I'm sure they all say that at one point or another."_

"Renee'…are you okay?"

I jumped and looked at him; his voice brought me from the day dream. I stared at him for a second, trying to figure out why that certain memory came back. "Do you still only bite the willing?"

He didn't respond, just stared at me, a mixture of emotions showing on his face. "Why do you want to know?"

I took a deep breath. "Did you ever bite Athena?"

He shook his head. "No…"

I nodded slowly. "Does it hurt?"

"A bit…"

I nodded again, unsure of why I was doing what I was about to do. "Good, I happen to like pain." I bent my neck towards him, sending him an open invitation.

Seeing a shocked look on a vampires face is probably something most people haven't seen, much less caused.

"Renee'…you don't even know me…"

I smiled at him. "But Athena did…"

His eyes flashed to that beautiful silver from my dreams. I felt his arms wrap around my waist as he pulled me into his lap. He smiled at me and I could see the points of fang sticking beneath his lip.

As I stared at him I felt an odd feeling come over me. Something I shouldn't be feeling for someone I just met. Love.

His hand went to the other side of my neck and he pulled me closer to him. I felt his lips on my neck as he placed a light kiss, he ran his teeth across my skin and I shivered.

I felt his mouth open against my neck and held my breath; waiting for the pain I knew was coming. I felt a sharp pain, then immense pleasure following. I ran my hands around his back and held on as tight as I could, fearing that I might slip away.

As he finished I felt him run his tongue across the holes, all I could think was how much I didn't want him to stop.

He pushed me back far enough to look into my eyes, I knew I probably looked like I had too much to drink, I was feeling dazed. He smiled at me; I could feel a bit of blood still coming from the spots in my neck.

As soon as I could regain my words I spoke. "Well, Mr. Koston, I think this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship…"

He laughed; I closed my eyes and let the sound echo through me. It was like hearing a song you hadn't heard since you were little. It reminded you of home…

He pulled a small white handkerchief out of his shirt pocket and held it to my neck. I would have probably picked on him about carrying a handkerchief if I knew him better, but I figure I should keep my mouth shut.

In one day I had found out about vampires, that I was the reincarnation of a girl, and let a vampire drink my blood.

It that wasn't a strange day I don't know what is.


	7. Alone

Till now I always got by on my own  
I never really cared until I met you  
And now it chills me to the bone  
How do I get you alone  
How do I get you alone

You don't know how long I have wanted  
To touch your lips and hold you tight,oh  
You don't know how long I have waited  
And I was going to tell you tonight  
But the secret is still my own  
And my love for you is still unknown  
Alone  
-Alone by Celine Dion-

Lani was very upset with me when I got home, and no one wants a very large Italian Mastiff mad at them, it never ends well. She followed close behind me, sniffing the air at the scent of blood. I tried to ignore her as I went about the house, trying to pretend everything was normal.

But nothing was normal, in one day my whole life had taken a nose dive. Things that I used to be certain about were doubtful in my mind now. I looked at the two puncture holes in my neck, and the small purple bruises that were forming around them.

It takes most people months to fall in love with someone, here it was my second time meeting Josef Koston and I already felt as if he was my soul mate…

Maybe that's all love at first sight is? You're able to love them so quickly because you knew them in a past life. They were your love in the past…

As I fell back on my bed I started getting angry…He thought he knew me so well, just because I'm a 'remake' of this Athena girl…but I'm not all like her, I can't be…There are some differences between us I'm sure, otherwise what's the point of living again if you're the same exact person?

I chewed on my lip as I tried to think of things that I thought were special about myself. I ran the list through my head, it wasn't all that long, but it was enough for me.

"Josef and his haughty attitude…he doesn't know everything…" I patted Lani's head as I spoke to her about a man she didn't know. She barked back at me, pretending to know what I was talking about. I smiled and kissed her on the nose, she quickly shook her head at me.

I would claim I was losing my mind if I didn't feel like I had lost it days ago…I needed to regain my sanity somehow…I dug in my back pocket and pulled out the card with his address on it. He told me to come see him if I had any 'questions'. Like he could answer questions about my life…

"Well, Lani, your mommy is going to regain what little self respect she has back!" I planted a large kiss on her furry head, the jumped from the bed and headed towards the door.

(Across Town)

As I walked towards the elevator in the large building I paused, thinking over my options slowly. Should I take the elevator and risk self mutilation via my finger nails again? Or should I take the stairs?

I took a quick turn and started towards the stairs, hoping there weren't any significance to them. For the first few floors I took them two at a time, but soon I had to drag myself up the steep steps.

I walked past the empty desk and towards his private office. I stopped in front of his door, unsure whether I should knock or not. I took a deep breath, remembering my courage, and pushed open the door.

I saw four men sitting at a table, suddenly three of them moved quickly to hide the glasses that were sitting on the table. One even grabbed at the vials of blood in the center of the table.

Josef slapped his hand. "Is there a reason you're fooling with the bet?"

One of the men was staring at me, he looked vaguely familiar…maybe he just had one of those faces. Josef smiled at him, and then turned to look at me. "Guys, I'd like you to meet Renee'…"

I was trying to form a sentence in my head, what I wanted to say was 'Josef could I talk to you alone?' but instead…

"You're a real prick you know that!?" Word vomit at its finest.

The man who had been staring at me died laughing, the others around the table had the grace to look shocked before letting out a small chuckle. Josef glared at them, and they stopped, but the one still had a big grin on his face.

"Renee'…"

I waved my hands at him spastically, cutting him off. "No, don't speak…you spoke enough earlier. I just want to say that you're a prick. No one really knows me that well, like at all, Amber and I have been friends for a while now, and she doesn't even know me as well as you claim you do!"

He laid the cards down and stared at me steadily, waiting for me to continue.

"I bet you didn't know that I laugh at sad movies, morbid and creepy I know, but I do. I bet you didn't know that I would rather the company of my dog than that of my friends! Or how when it rains I just sit at the window, a mixture of fear and excitement, wondering why things happen the way they do. Or that I lost my virginity when I was 14 to the boy that lived next store…we had sex then he never called me again…" I bit my lip when I realized what exactly what I had just said to a room full of basic strangers.

Josef smiled at me. "As interesting as that was…you kind of hurt your own cause…"

I narrowed my eyes at him. "What do you mean?"

"The whole point was that I didn't know you as well as I thought I did, well, now all those things I didn't know, I know…So thank you for sharing."

"Can anyone win with you?!" I let out an exasperated sigh and continued to glare in his direction.

He gave me one of his amazing smiles. "It hasn't happened yet, but when it does I'll let you know."


	8. Masquerade

Paper faces on parade . . .  
Masquerade!  
Hide your face,  
so the world will  
never find you!  
Masquerade!  
Every face a different shade . . .  
Masquerade!  
Look around -  
there's another  
mask behind you!  
Flash of mauve . . .  
Splash of puce . . .  
Fool and king . . .  
Ghoul and goose . . .  
Green and black . . .  
Queen and priest . . .  
Trace of rouge . . .  
Face of beast . . .  
Faces . . .  
Take your turn, take a ride  
on the merry-go-round . . .  
in an inhuman race . . .  
Masquerade from Phantom Of The Opera-

I turned and stormed out of the room, hoping he wouldn't follow. It seems I'm always running from him. I opted for the elevator, knowing that would be the fastest way down, I thought of anything but Josef, hoping to avoid another memory. When I got down to the lobby of the building I walked towards the doors as quickly as possibly. I had my hands on the door, pushing it open when I felt someone grab my wrist and spin me around.

"It's raining…and the last time you stormed out on me when it was raining…things didn't end so well."

I looked through the glass doors and saw people running for shelter from the down pour. "I didn't storm out on you…Athena did…we might be a lot alike…but we aren't the same person Josef."

He pulled me closer to him. "No, but you're the closes I've got."

I pulled from his grip, but I knew it was only because he let me. "Correction, you don't even have me…" I turned and pushed the door open with more force than was needed. I made a slight ass of myself as I stumbled out to the parking lot.

My car squealed from the parking lot as I pulled out. I tried not to think about what I had just said to him. I tried not to think about how I might have hurt him, but he needed to understand, I wasn't Athena, and I sure as hell wasn't his.

I took the road that led the fastest way to my house, hoping that it wouldn't take as long as it usually does.

I felt the tires hit a puddle and the steering wheel jerked in my hands. I turned the tires sharply trying my hardest to get them back on the road. The car swerved and I felt the lurching feeling as the car came in contact with the tree.

Blood poured from my head and went into my eyes; I guess this is the real definition of irony.

_"She is the biggest fucking skank ever!" Athena scrunched her face at the girl sitting at the front of the bus. _

_Lizzie gave her a glare. "That's so not nice Athena…"_

_Athena turned to her. "Well, my fucking foot is asleep and it hurts."_

_Skylar laughed. "That's no excuse…"_

_"Fine! She's bloody fucking perfect!"_

_"Oh God, she's going British on us…" _

I heard the beeping of machines and immediately knew I was in the hospital. I slowly opened my eyes and realized that I was hooked up to several I.V's.

My throat was dry, I tried to swallow but couldn't. My head was throbbing from the impact of hitting it on the steering wheel.

Maybe I should have listened to Josef. Maybe I shouldn't drive in the rain.

"Oh my God, you're awake!"

I looked up to see Amber running towards me, holding a cup of coffee in her hand. "Yes, and thanks for the yelling, you have successfully made my head throb even worse!"

Amber grimaced. "Oh, sorry love…"

I just sighed. "It's okay…"

She shook her head as she took my hand in hers. "You're so lucky he found you when he did, the doctors said you could have possibly bled to death…"

I narrowed my eyes at her. "He? He who?"

She ran her had over my cheek smiling down at me. "You don't remember? The doctors said they had to pry you from his arms because you wouldn't let go of him. Apparently you knew him…"

"I don't remember…is he still here?"

She nodded. "He's somewhere around here, but this hospital is strict, they only wanted one person in here at a time, he said that you wouldn't want to see him when you woke up…"

I immediately knew who is was and tried to suppress the groan that threatened to escape. How would I ever live this down? He would constantly remind me that he was right; I shouldn't have driven in the rain.

"Oh, that's right; I was supposed to call him when you woke up." She pulled her hand from mine and took out her cell phone. My hand shot out faster than I thought possible, I gripped her wrist and shook my head.

"Don't call him…he was right, I have no desire to see him."

She narrowed her eyes at me. "Renee' what did he do to you?"

I bit my lip. "Nothing, that's the problem…"

She pulled her chair up to the side of the bed. "Honey what do you mean?"

I sighed as I fiddled with the wire of the I.V. seriously considering to put a bubble in the wire and put me out of my misery. "Do you believe in love Amber? Because I don't…or well didn't and then it came up and bit me in the ass, so I'm doing everything possible to avoid the hell out of it."

"How can you be in love with someone I've never met? We spend 99 percent of the time together…"

I laughed bitterly, running the line connected to my arm through my fingers. "Cause I've only really met him twice…" She gave me a look of shock and I shook my head. "You wouldn't understand even if I explained the whole story to you."

She opened her mouth to respond but stopped when the room door opened. She looked from the door, then back to me. "It appears you can't always avoid things love…"

I watched as Josef walked further into the room, he leaned against the wall casually, staring at me. "Amber, you mind if I talk to Renee' for a minute?"

She gave me a quick smile before standing up and striding to the door. As soon as I heard the door shut I turned to him. "How'd you know I was awake?"

He smiled. "I just knew…"

I nodded and looked at my hands, still holding the tube…the bubble idea looking more and more appealing. "How much of that conversation did you hear?" When my eyes looked up at him he had the grace too look slightly guilty.

"All of it."

"Yea, that's what I thought…"


	9. For Blue Skies

t's been a long year  
Since we last spoke  
How's your halo?  
Just between you and I  
You and me and the satellites  
I never believed you  
I only wanted to  
Before all of this  
What did I miss?  
Do you ever get homesick?  
I can't get used to it  
I'll never get used to it

I'm under that night  
I'm under those same stars  
We're in a red car  
You asleep at my side  
Going in and out of the headlights  
Could I have saved you?  
Would that've betrayed you?  
I wanna burn this film  
You alone with those pills  
What you couldn't do I will  
I forgive you

For blue, blue skies  
For blue, blue skies  
I'll forgive you  
-For Blue Skies by Strays Don't Sleep-

His movements were swift as he sat in the chair previously occupied by Amber. I kept the wire in my hand, as if to feel a slight sense of control. I could end it if I wanted to…

"Well could you at least forget that last part?"

He shook his head with a small smile. "I'm afraid not…" He looked at my hands, and then cautiously pried the IV wire from my grasp. I looked up at him with a half-hearted glare. He just smiled. "Can you go two seconds without stressing me out over your safety?"

I took a deep breath, grimacing from the pain it caused. "Apparently no, maybe I enjoy seeing you stressed." He glared at me. I bit my lip, looking down at my hands. "Besides, it's not your job to worry over me."

"If I don't who will?"

"I'm a big girl Josef! I can handle myself; I don't need someone following me around like a child!"

He stood up, his tall body leaning over the rails of the bed so he could look into my eyes. "To me, you are a child, and this accident proves you can't take care of yourself."

"God dammit! You are the biggest fucking asshole on this planet you know that?! I mean seriously I can't imagine how you live life with such a big ego!"

He smirked, showing my rant hadn't affected his mood in the slightest. "You done?"

I let out a huff of air. "Not at all! It's bad enough that you're fucking gorgeous; do you have to be so Goddamn haughty all the time? I mean really you sho…."

His lips were colder than I expected. It reminded me of how my lips feel after I ate ice cream. Even in the coldness they were still unbelievably soft. Softer than a mans lips should be, or maybe that's just my opinion.

When he pulled back from the kiss he still had that same smirk on his face. I just stared up at him, shock apparent on my face.

"So, you tell me, is there a reason I should be so 'Goddamn haughty'?"

I narrowed my eyes at him. "I hate you."

He smirked. "No, I think I heard something different earlier about that…"

"You know what? I think I preferred you when you were being nice and overbearing." He laughed and I closed my eyes at the sound. "You have to stop doing that…"

He gave me a strange look. "Doing what? Laughing? Why?"

I glared at him. "Because it's doing things to me that it shouldn't do when I'm in a hospital bed…"

"Well I guess I'll have to wait till you get out of the hospital huh?"

I continued to glare at him, but it was pointless, his smirk continued to show on his pale face. "I knew I should have floored it when I saw that tree…" His eyes grew dark and I knew I had finally won; I had wiped that stupid smirk off his face. I smiled in triumph.

"That's not funny Renee'."

"Oh I think it's quite hilarious. Besides, even if I did die all you'd have to do is wait a few years and I'll just pop into your life again…"

He shook his head. "I couldn't imagine having to see another grave stone, knowing you were in the ground beneath it."

The sincerity in his voice made me stop for a second, my smile faltered and I just stared at him. "How is it that you can be a complete ass and I can't make you feel bad for it, but when I try to be ass-like you make me feel like shit for it."

He smiled again. "Practice makes perfect."

I rolled my eyes, the excitement from my previous victory gone. "How is it that I'm in love with you, but I hate you so much at the same time?"

He shrugged. "I guess I just have that affect on people."

I took the wire between my fingers again, anything to keep my mind off of him sitting so close. I felt his cold fingers on my face and looked up at him; he turned my neck and examined the holes he had left behind.

"You bruise easy…"

I nodded slowly. "I know…I scar easy to…"

I know most girls would kill to have a guy like Josef Koston paying this much attention to them. In most aspects, he was perfect. Rich, good looking, a good, although slightly morbid, sense of humor, who wouldn't want him?

So what was stopping me? I'm obviously in love with him; he loves me…so why can't I just go for it? No matter how odd or abrupt it is?

Because I still feel he doesn't love me for me, he loves me because I was once Athena, he loves me because I'm like her. But I'm not her, I'm my own person and he can't seem to see that. He see's me as a way to right some wrongs he's made in his long life. I'm not just going to be a way to make him feel better about a regret, I can't be that.

How do I handle this? It's unchartered territory for me, and I doubt that there is a self help book about how to deal with learning you're reincarnated…maybe I should write one?

"You're being quiet…that can't be a good sign…"

"Just thinking…a lot…"

"About what?"

I glared at him. "Why should I tell you?"

He smirked. "So much hostility in someone so young, it's sad."

"Not hostility, just confusion." He gave me a bizarre look and I sighed. "You confuse me; you're putting me in a situation that I can't handle, at all. You mentioned that you thought you broke Athena…I feel like my mind is about to snap…"

His eyes darkened and I knew I had hurt him. His grip on the bed rail tightened and he looked away from me.


	10. Me And Mr Jones

Nobody stands in between me and my man, it's me  
And Mr Jones (Me and Mr Jones)

What kind of fuckery is this?  
You made me miss the Slick Rick gig (oh Slick Rick)  
You thought I didn't love you when I did (when I did)  
Can't believe you played me out like that (Ahhh)

No you ain't worth guest list  
Plus one of all them girls you kiss (all them girls)  
You can't keep lying to yourself like this (to yourself)  
Can't believe you played yourself (out) like this  
-Me and Mr Jones by Amy Winehouse-

"Renee'…"

I shook my head, ignoring the surge of pain it caused. "No Josef, I love you okay? I'm totally, hopelessly in love with you, but you don't love me…" He opened his mouth to respond but I cut him off. "You're in love with Athena…and as much as you hate to hear this, I'm not Athena. I am my own person, with bits and pieces of Athena in my personality." As the words came out I felt my heart rate quicken, I tried to calm myself, take few relaxing breaths but the monitor was beeping wildly, showing that my actions weren't working.

"Renee' you have to calm down." His voice was trying to sooth me, but nothing seemed to work.

"I…I can't…" The sound of my own voice shocked me, I honestly didn't expect to have the strength to speak, I saw Josef run to the door, trying to flag down a nurse.

He came back to me and took my hand in his, and then the whole room went black.

_The blood ran down her arm and she was shocked she actually had the nerve to do it. She watched with a morbid fascination as it stained her blue bed sheets, the knife falling from her hands and landing on the floor without a sound. _

_If anyone ever found out she had done this, she would never live it down. The thought of a man having so much control over her was ridiculous. It had been four months, three weeks, and a day since he told her goodbye; shouldn't she be over it now?_

_She shook her head weakly, watching the blood pool on the sheets next to her; no she'd never get over him._

When I woke up, I felt odd warmth on my wrist. I looked down quickly, worried that I might have done something stupid, but was relived to see it was just Josef's hand lying over my arm.

We stared at each other for a minute, unsure of what to say. He took an unneeded deep breath and spoke. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't use you to get over what happened with Athena, its wrong…"

A weak smile played on my lips. "Wow, Josef Koston declaring defeat?"

"If I had a white flag I'd be waving it now."

I nodded. "Does this mean the prisoners of war will be released?"

He nodded slowly, understanding the real meanings of my words. "Yes, but I do hope the two countries can form a treaty, I have come to enjoy my POW."

"Isn't the first rule of war to not get attached to your prisoners?"

He narrowed his eyes. "I thought the first rule of war was to win…"

I took a deep breath. "No one wins in war Josef…because someone always dies…" Our joking had quickly become serious; I could tell from the look on his face that he didn't like my answer. I looked away from him and to my hands, not wanting to see the seriousness of his expression.

"You have a really twisted view of love you know that?"

I looked back up at him. "Oh don't tell me you're a hopeless romantic Josef, I'll be forced to mock you until the day I die."

Something flashed behind his eyes and I didn't want to know what he was thinking while he was staring at me that way. "I'm not, but love and war isn't the same thing."

I sighed. "No, but from what I can tell its pretty damn close…" He gave me that same exasperated look. "I'm constantly fighting with myself, and you for that matter, so please tell me how it's different."

He took a few moments to respond, like he was thinking his answer over thoroughly. "There's no bloodshed in love."

"There is when you're in love with a vampire…" He opened his mouth to speak, but couldn't think of a response. I smiled. "Victory twice in one day…what is it, my birthday or something?"

He didn't laugh, but I could see his expression soften a bit. "Don't get used to it; I can assure you it won't happen again."

I smiled. "Give me a bit, it'll happen."

He laughed. "Don't get your hopes up."

I realized this was the first real, comfortable conversation I had ever had with him. As sad as that may sound, it was kind of a relief to know that we could be normal and open around each other.

It was rather nice.

(Two Days Later)

"You know, for being so small you sure are heavy…" Amber grumbled as she helped walk me up the steps of my house.

I threw her a sideways glare. "I could walk by myself; you're the one insisting on helping me!"

"You just got out of the hospital; you think I'm going to let you walk up steps alone? You must have hit your head harder than they thought."

"Aw, my knight in shining armor." Even with the mocking tone, it still was wrong to say. My knight in shining armor, as corny as it may sound, was probably in the middle of a meeting right now.

It took some major convincing, but by the second day in the hospital I finally got him to leave so he could work, sleep, and do whatever it is vampires do. He defiantly wasn't happy with leaving me, I think he was worried the doctors would give me an accidental overdose, or I would strangle on one of the many wires connected to me.

He says I'm accident prone…I have to agree.

When the front door finally opened I was greeted by an over-excited dog. Lani was running in circles, her short tale wagging, causing the larger part of her body to shake.

I laughed. "Well I'm glad someone's happy to see me home." I bent down slowly, still cautious of my sore body, and hugged her large body to me. She licked excitedly at me.

I looked up at Amber, who was smiling down to me. "Happy to be home?"

I nodded. "With a greeting like this, who couldn't be?"

(Later)

I'm starting to wonder about my sanity again, as I stared into the mirror at the two puncture wounds in my neck. I wondered what the doctor thought they were? I perverted sex game?

But that thought wasn't what was making me wonder about my state of mind, it was the thought of what I tasted like…obviously Josef didn't mind how I tasted, I wonder if the same blood tasted differently to different vampires. Josef has strong feelings towards me, actually Athena, so does my blood taste better because of it? If I was just a random girl on the sidewalk, would my blood taste the same?

I started to laugh, no sane person would be having this internal conversation right now, I must be losing my mind.

I heard Lani barking down stairs, but didn't think anything of it, she probably saw someone out on the sidewalk…

That's when I heard it, the door opening, and then the sound of a hideous growl. I ran from the bathroom and down the stairs as quickly as my stiff body would allow. The sight before my eyes was gruesome. Lani was fighting on the floor with someone, a man, who was snarling and growling just as much as her.

It wasn't until her large body had him pinned to the floor that I realized who it was. Lani reared her head back, teeth showing in a snarl, her mouth went for his throat and I screamed.

"LANI NO!"

Before I could think about what I had done, I ran over and grabbed her, in the struggle her mouth came down on my arm and I screamed out in pain.

I held my now bleeding arm to my chest and drug her with the other into the downstairs bathroom. When I turned from shutting the door, Josef was standing right in front of me, his suit ripped in certain areas; spots of blood were showing on his shirt.

I narrowed my eyes at him. There was a small hint of amusement to his face, like he was trying to hide his smile. "Well she started it."

I laughed, it would have been hard not to, I had just pulled apart a fight between a 400 and something year old vampire and my 120 pound dog, who couldn't laugh after that?

A sane person…that could be my only guess as to who.

Ten minutes later we were sitting at my kitchen table, Josef was cleaning up my arm as carefully as possible.

"I just think it's funny how you two were fighting, but I'm the one who gets bitten…"

He smiled. "Accident prone…trouble just seems to like you."

"Remind me to flip you off later when I'm not hurting so bad." I took a sharp breath as he cleaned closer to the teeth holes. I smiled as realization dawned on me. "I'll have scars from the two things I love the most…It seems they both like to bite…"

I can't be rational…


	11. Devil Went Down To Georgia

**Note: Things aren't going good for me right now…actually they're down right shitty…so if it shows in my writing I do apologize.**

**  
**The devil opened up his case and he said: "I'll start this show."  
And fire flew from his fingertips as he rosined up his bow.  
And he pulled the bow across his strings and it made an evil hiss.  
Then a band of demons joined in and it sounded something like this.  
When the devil finished, Johnny said: "Well you're pretty good ol' son.  
"But if you'll sit down in that chair, right there, and let me show you how its done."

Fire on the moun, run boys, run.  
The devil's in the house of the risin' sun.  
Chicken in the bread pin, pickin' out dough.  
"Granny, does your dog bite?"  
"No, child, no."

The devil bowed his head because he knew that he'd been beat.  
He laid that golden fiddle on the ground at Johnny's feet.  
Johnny said: "Devil just come on back if you ever want to try again.  
"I told you once, you son of a bitch, I'm the best that's ever been."  
-Devil Went Down To Georgia by Charlie Daniels-****

The bleeding had stopped, and I was trying to busy myself by making dinner. I could feel Josef's eyes on my back from the table. Several times I had almost asked if he was hungry, I don't think I'd like the way that conversation would turn.

"You're taking all this a lot better than I expected."

I turned from the stove and looked at him. "What do you mean?"

"Well, I'm sure most people would have to be put in a straight jacket after learning all the things you have in the last week."

I gave him a small smile. "You can't see how I am when I'm alone…you don't understand how hard this is for me."

"Well then you're a very good actress."

I nodded. "I learned a long time ago it's better to not show people how bad you're hurting. They can only use against you."

He smiled. "Spoken like an old soul."

I laughed. "Well, it seems like I am one…"

"Seems like it…" He stopped for a second, I saw him sniff the air. "What are you making? It smells delicious."

I smiled. "Fried okra…I get my parents to send it to me, it's hard to come by over here."

He nodded slowly, a small smile showing on his lips. "I forgot, a southern girl."

I nodded. "Born and raised…" I turned and pointed the spatula at him jokingly. "Let me guess…Italian royalty?"

"French actually…" I bit my lip and turned back to the pan. Wasn't exactly the response I was expecting. I heard him laugh behind me. "My father was a noble man…that's not really royalty."

"Close enough…" I mumbled under my breath.

He laughed again. "Why? Does that intimidate you?"

I turned back with a grin. "I don't get intimidated that easily."

He narrowed his eyes at me; clearly he wasn't expecting that answer. "So, what's you're lineage?"

"Oh you mean you can't tell?" I ran my hands across my cheek bones in a mock gesture. "High cheek bones, thick lips…come on you should know this." He raised his eye brows at me and I continued to smile. "I'm half Cherokee Indian half French."

"Mutt…"

I laughed and threw the bottle of spices at him. "Not funny, it's the 2000's not everyone is pure bred anymore!"

He laughed, harder than I'd seen him laugh. I don't get what was so funny, my comment wasn't exactly hilarious. I guess he noticed my glaring because he finally spoke. "You're good at hiding your accent…normally…but I'm afraid when you get slightly angry…it shows."

I turned off the stove, and then turned back to him in a huff. "Well not everyone can have perfect articulation Mr. Koston."

He laughed again. "There it is again."

I turned away from him angrily, I just won't talk anymore. I started putting the okra onto a plate, ignoring his presence in the room. I could still hear him chuckling behind me. I finally turned and threw the spatula at his face. Of course he caught it before it made any contact.

"That's not fair! Why is it that the asshole has all the super powers?!"

He threw the spatula on the table and gave me a pointed look. "I'm not an asshole; I'm just pointing out the obvious. You have a very southern accent."

"I think I'm gonna sick Lani on you…"

"Funny I remember you coming to my defense earlier…"

I stared thoughtfully at my fork. "Well it's not a stake…But I think it will work…"

He smirked. "You'd have to make contact first…"

"You don't think I could?"

He continued his cocky smirk. "It's not that I doubt your ability my dear, it's that I doubt your will to do so."

I bit my lip as I sat next to him at the table. I pointed my fork in his face. "Never doubt my will to do anything…"

"A stake won't kill me."

"Damn." I muttered as I continued to eat.

"So you're saying, if I pissed you off enough, you could kill me?"

I looked back up at him. "I don't think pissing me off would do it, but if it came down to it, you or me…it would be you."

"Quite the self survivor aren't we?"

I shrugged. "There isn't a single person in my life that I couldn't live without…" He gave me another pointed look and I sighed. "I do love you Josef, but I know that love has a lot to do with the fact that Athena was in love with you…I dunno maybe it's just left over feelings or something."

"Left over feelings? That's funny, because weren't you saying not to long ago that you and Athena were different people? That you just had a few traits?"

I sighed and dropped my fork. "Yes, and it's still true, but think about it. If I can have memories from her past, then why can't I have feelings left over? That Lizzie girl that I met in your office, I felt one of the strongest emotional pulls that I've ever felt towards another girl…I don't know how to explain it…"

Josef stood up so quickly it made me dizzy, I know I had hurt him, I guess he was expecting things to be different from now on. "Well thanks Renee' that sure makes me feel so much better."

I stared up at him, somewhat shocked. "You've got to be kidding me! You just expect us to run off into the sunset holding hands or something? Like you said earlier, this is a lot for someone to handle, I have to think about all the possible angles to this."

He gave me a funny look. "This isn't a math problem Renee'! There isn't anything to solve, I love you and you love me, point closed!"

I took a deep breath. "No, you love Athena…and until you can figure that out…I'm afraid I'll just have to live without you."

He shook his head. "How about this, I'll leave, and you won't have to worry about 'solving' anything…"

He turned his back to leave, but stopped at the sound of my voice. "How are you going to handle that? Knowing I'm out in this world and you can't have me?"

"I lived without her for twenty years…I think I'll be okay."

I jumped at the sound of the slamming door, I could hear Lani scratching at the bathroom door and barking loudly.

I looked down at my food with a grimace. I suddenly wasn't hungry anymore.


	12. Learn To Be Lonely

Child of the wilderness  
Born into emptiness  
Learn to be lonely  
Learn to find your way in darkness

Who will be there for you  
Comfort and care for you  
Learn to be lonely  
Learn to be your one companion  
-Learn To Be Lonely by Minnie Driver-

In retrospect, that week was probably the worst thing that could ever happen to me. I know anyone would kill to know the things I know, for instance, when you die; you're reborn into a new person. It's best if you avoid anyone that might have been in your previous life that can just get sticky.

I can't help but walk down the street and wonder if everyone wearing sunglasses on a cloudy day is a vampire or not. I guess that's what happens when you're exposed to their world, either that or they kill you…I'm glad Josef chose not to kill me.

I haven't heard from him in a while, about four months I think; I'm not counting.

How can I be so cold over the man I supposedly loved? Simple, I treat that part of my life like it's hazardous to my health. I ignore it completely; I hide the scars as best as possible and try to move on.

It's better than sitting around moping over something I know could have never worked out. I'm not one for relationships, never have been. I've learned throughout my life that it's better to not push things that I know wont work, otherwise the pain is far greater than if I would have just left it alone.

The dreams, well they're not all so scary anymore, I feel like I'm meeting a part of myself that I never had. The only time they bother me is when Josef is involved, he really did love her. I wish could say he felt the same over me, but I was just a replica, I'll never be as good as the first.

I moved back to New Orleans a few months after he walked out. I missed the city and I thought that maybe if I repaired the void it caused it might help me get over the one he left when he walked out.

I can live without him, don't get me wrong, but there are still those times when I wonder if I was wrong. Should I just have dealt with being a replacement? I don't think I could have handled that; it would be as if there was another woman in the relationship, and that's just wrong.

I don't live with regrets; things happen for a reason, I fully believe that. Maybe I'm just one of those people who were meant to be alone? Not everyone has a soul mate out there. I guess I'll find out, until then I'll just have to learn to be lonely.


End file.
